Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
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