Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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