his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Even my vagina gasped.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We left an ass print on the piano.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this