Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
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Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
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I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino