Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
