Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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