Texts From Last Night

nbishop's Favorites Texts:

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion

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  (651): The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion http://tfl.nu/8885
  Replies (12) Good night (2086) Bad night (4019) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

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  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14650) Bad night (1667)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.

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  (303): Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever. http://tfl.nu/ckan
  Replies (11) Good night (1329) Bad night (6355)
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  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

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  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (75) Good night (11798) Bad night (3335) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.

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  (845): I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/36t1
  Replies (32) Good night (1975) Bad night (6351) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  It was kinda weird being the boss

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  Did you feel like Tony Danza?

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  (540): It was kinda weird being the boss (1-540): Did you feel like Tony Danza? http://tfl.nu/xn58
  Replies (1) Good night (1427) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break

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  (301): she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break http://tfl.nu/l0jq
  Replies (19) Good night (5218) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.

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  (816): Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower. http://tfl.nu/cq6t
  Replies (41) Good night (1346) Bad night (13181) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out

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  (440): planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out http://tfl.nu/zgao
  Replies (22) Good night (1515) Bad night (3397) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.

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  (612): life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix. http://tfl.nu/ht0i
  Replies (32) Good night (521) Bad night (4679) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits

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  (602): I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits http://tfl.nu/rsyd
  Replies (54) Good night (1145) Bad night (7012) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.

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  (501): He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer. http://tfl.nu/ubeq
  Replies (31) Good night (3057) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.

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  (517): I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen. http://tfl.nu/y9v8
  Replies (13) Good night (5717) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

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  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (56) Good night (30104) Bad night (1411) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible

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  (408): I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible http://tfl.nu/my4k
  Replies (17) Good night (8231) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?

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  (917): giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong? http://tfl.nu/9q3v
  Replies (171) Good night (4918) Bad night (16910) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.

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  (781): she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser. http://tfl.nu/fqkl
  Replies (116) Good night (2786) Bad night (20223) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me

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  (816): normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me http://tfl.nu/ze3z
  Replies (86) Good night (1347) Bad night (23161)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

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  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (38) Good night (21301) Bad night (2000) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  this is Aaron, hi

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  (212): ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud? (1-212): this is Aaron, hi http://tfl.nu/ackd
  Replies (48) Good night (20344) Bad night (2053)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73392) Bad night (2472) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back

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  (203): Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back http://tfl.nu/t7ho
  Replies (63) Good night (2121) Bad night (3935) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

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  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
  Replies (54) Good night (2478) Bad night (14817) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My cha cha got a haircut

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf

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  (814): My cha cha got a haircut (724): thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf http://tfl.nu/cixh
  Replies (34) Good night (1331) Bad night (9116)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66718) Bad night (3007) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport

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  (904): taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport http://tfl.nu/zg9o
  Replies (20) Good night (6657) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (13544) Bad night (5085)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks

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  (980): I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks http://tfl.nu/h8ue
  Replies (29) Good night (780) Bad night (4782) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  i'm signing you up for texting rehab

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  (585): i'm signing you up for texting rehab http://tfl.nu/wf7t
  Replies (4) Good night (533) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky

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  (604): People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky http://tfl.nu/clbn
  Replies (90) Good night (7889) Bad night (1108)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.

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  (508): Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well. http://tfl.nu/uja4
  Replies (56) Good night (942) Bad night (4843) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  not a thing

  (613): View more from Ontario

  walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom

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  (613): do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom? (1-613): not a thing (613): walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom http://tfl.nu/euwx
  Replies (19) Good night (837) Bad night (5031)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  "Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"

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  (905): "Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends" http://tfl.nu/crxa
  Replies (17) Good night (4917) Bad night (678)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.

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  (630): last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone. http://tfl.nu/hjip
  Replies (21) Good night (8255) Bad night (786)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  tell him to stop quoting family guy

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  (412): omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say (1-412): tell him to stop quoting family guy http://tfl.nu/1hbe
  Replies (18) Good night (1414) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn

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  (859): I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn http://tfl.nu/q2bp
  Replies (70) Good night (3256) Bad night (5079) Order T-Shirt