hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
