First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
