Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.