and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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