you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
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My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum