Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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