I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
