Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dating After Heartbreak
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM