Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
