Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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