I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He felt like a one man threesome
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Its about making memories worth repressing
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.