Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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