I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
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Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far