Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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