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he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
one two three fourrrrnication!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
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