did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
