My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Houston, we have a squirter
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry