Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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