Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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