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I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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