I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
