NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
