my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
