if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.