I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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