Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.

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  (253): I just did a sobriety test in a tutu. http://tfl.nu/m861
  Replies (5) Good night (3223) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.

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  (205): You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you. http://tfl.nu/htvc
  Replies (3) Good night (2113) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.

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  (506): yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her. http://tfl.nu/588d
  Replies (7) Good night (2891) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  he made a bald eagle out of coke lines

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  (818): he made a bald eagle out of coke lines http://tfl.nu/gy34
  Replies (5) Good night (2208) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?

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  (616): Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive? http://tfl.nu/dksl
  Replies (3) Good night (1758) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business

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  (252): My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business http://tfl.nu/rc0p
  Replies (5) Good night (2490) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few

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  (407): I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few http://tfl.nu/2coh
  Replies (1) Good night (2130) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.

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  (240): I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks. http://tfl.nu/t0i5
  Replies (12) Good night (3490) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.

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  (316): How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously. http://tfl.nu/n6dt
  Replies (15) Good night (2486) Bad night (1664) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.

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  (404): considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out. http://tfl.nu/gm4o
  Replies (14) Good night (1297) Bad night (3142)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?

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  (503): He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off? http://tfl.nu/40hd
  Replies (9) Good night (4204) Bad night (706)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.

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  (239): So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life. http://tfl.nu/5out
  Replies (14) Good night (5011) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom

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  (913): I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom http://tfl.nu/jxft
  Replies (9) Good night (4219) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"

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  (250): Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole" http://tfl.nu/hdok
  Replies (11) Good night (1174) Bad night (2575)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.

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  (404): I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money. http://tfl.nu/7bbu
  Replies (11) Good night (2782) Bad night (1233) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.

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  (661): Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me. http://tfl.nu/1wv6
  Replies (17) Good night (6395) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.

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  (813): It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow. http://tfl.nu/0mxe
  Replies (18) Good night (1640) Bad night (5242) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way

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  (239): Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way http://tfl.nu/7r2y
  Replies (13) Good night (4317) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.

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  (704): I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying. http://tfl.nu/un4v
  Replies (25) Good night (1193) Bad night (9563)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.

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  (416): Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing. http://tfl.nu/2fe4
  Replies (18) Good night (2268) Bad night (2708) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics

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  (302): You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics http://tfl.nu/cuw1
  Replies (2) Good night (3499) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night

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  (404): Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night http://tfl.nu/nrlr
  Replies (12) Good night (6927) Bad night (783)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.

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  (573): We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old. http://tfl.nu/bm7p
  Replies (5) Good night (1710) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...

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  (540): The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress. (703): So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then... http://tfl.nu/ildr
  Replies (9) Good night (3865) Bad night (1020)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me

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  (717): got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me http://tfl.nu/g14l
  Replies (6) Good night (3956) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor

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  (804): For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor http://tfl.nu/12jc
  Replies (5) Good night (4337) Bad night (724)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport

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  (815): I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport http://tfl.nu/v33c
  Replies (22) Good night (9942) Bad night (836)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy

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  (917): I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy http://tfl.nu/okyl
  Replies (1) Good night (2390) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..

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  (781): You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet.. http://tfl.nu/rd8s
  Replies (4) Good night (2395) Bad night (1242) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?

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  (407): Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants? http://tfl.nu/pjw5
  Replies (18) Good night (3487) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20

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  (443): the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20 http://tfl.nu/oq26
  Replies (16) Good night (1803) Bad night (3105) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.

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  (215): We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay. http://tfl.nu/xg35
  Replies (14) Good night (3028) Bad night (1509) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....

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  (773): I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician.... http://tfl.nu/qln8
  Replies (14) Good night (863) Bad night (3426) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho

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  (619): If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho http://tfl.nu/n12x
  Replies (12) Good night (3264) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night

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  (608): I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night http://tfl.nu/nzfl
  Replies (23) Good night (6053) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.

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  (910): Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study. http://tfl.nu/l0py
  Replies (13) Good night (2382) Bad night (3084) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.

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  (646): He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/8o9v
  Replies (11) Good night (3305) Bad night (1785) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.

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  (724): An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god. http://tfl.nu/gzqy
  Replies (24) Good night (5347) Bad night (2197) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?

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  (650): Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user? http://tfl.nu/ik2g
  Replies (15) Good night (1171) Bad night (2393) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine

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  (412): Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine http://tfl.nu/x929
  Replies (15) Good night (3884) Bad night (1357) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.

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  (810): GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK. http://tfl.nu/7sxv
  Replies (9) Good night (6526) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw

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  (630): Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw http://tfl.nu/yy7h
  Replies (21) Good night (1485) Bad night (3564) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.

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  (704): This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'. http://tfl.nu/12fd
  Replies (9) Good night (683) Bad night (2280) Order T-Shirt