I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
D3 body, D1 cock
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"