She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.