What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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