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Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
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