We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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