Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.