yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.