my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
