She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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