Texts From Last Night

thekooze's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things. http://tfl.nu/13io
  Replies (35) Good night (7835) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented. http://tfl.nu/9hus
  Replies (25) Good night (8353) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance. http://tfl.nu/bz9b
  Replies (14) Good night (1001) Bad night (3922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon http://tfl.nu/pfsh
  Replies (18) Good night (4295) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (5963) Bad night (11499)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (49) Good night (16391) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is http://tfl.nu/ce5u
  Replies (16) Good night (4889) Bad night (1573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis. http://tfl.nu/3s19
  Replies (45) Good night (8304) Bad night (1815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water http://tfl.nu/ivkw
  Replies (14) Good night (5013) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal. http://tfl.nu/qev8
  Replies (26) Good night (16476) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (98) Good night (32302) Bad night (3093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything http://tfl.nu/rmdb
  Replies (5) Good night (4510) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too http://tfl.nu/8x1l
  Replies (27) Good night (6602) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila http://tfl.nu/e6je
  Replies (19) Good night (690) Bad night (5414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic http://tfl.nu/lvdi
  Replies (16) Good night (15043) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much' http://tfl.nu/b5vr
  Replies (26) Good night (2101) Bad night (7632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women. http://tfl.nu/7qhk
  Replies (55) Good night (5325) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree http://tfl.nu/oe6w
  Replies (32) Good night (7625) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  vegan vag taste different. and not a good different

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): vegan vag taste different. and not a good different http://tfl.nu/aqb4
  Replies (133) Good night (846) Bad night (8193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today. http://tfl.nu/sid7
  Replies (12) Good night (6705) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (12525) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (117) Good night (25290) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results... http://tfl.nu/tn0b
  Replies (14) Good night (827) Bad night (7473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right? http://tfl.nu/0mj4
  Replies (56) Good night (1048) Bad night (13088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower. http://tfl.nu/cq6t
  Replies (41) Good night (1187) Bad night (12853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  we'll go far in life on tits alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): we'll go far in life on tits alone. http://tfl.nu/gwfe
  Replies (22) Good night (4742) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me http://tfl.nu/osg9
  Replies (45) Good night (7623) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now. http://tfl.nu/38zc
  Replies (18) Good night (6559) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong http://tfl.nu/kgfp
  Replies (19) Good night (3393) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos http://tfl.nu/z3bc
  Replies (17) Good night (7634) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah. http://tfl.nu/5le1
  Replies (10) Good night (870) Bad night (3979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (62) Good night (26359) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to." http://tfl.nu/qnhd
  Replies (16) Good night (1561) Bad night (5251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose. http://tfl.nu/x4bb
  Replies (38) Good night (902) Bad night (8726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout. http://tfl.nu/bt4a
  Replies (5) Good night (3890) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt