At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
