Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one