I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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