Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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