she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants