Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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