My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back