I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
its not stalking. its research.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests