i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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