Texts From Last Night

hyperdermic's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!! http://tfl.nu/4ih5
  Replies (8) Good night (311) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (123) Good night (46581) Bad night (1692)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59087) Bad night (7116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60826) Bad night (1884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco. http://tfl.nu/49kl
  Replies (7) Good night (4101) Bad night (1047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar http://tfl.nu/rbaw
  Replies (9) Good night (2529) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people. http://tfl.nu/uumz
  Replies (24) Good night (5864) Bad night (1037)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i just like, need to vent to someone

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): i just like, need to vent to someone (919): Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you? http://tfl.nu/t3kk
  Replies (14) Good night (2628) Bad night (1763)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion. http://tfl.nu/easp
  Replies (10) Good night (4861) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!" http://tfl.nu/193a
  Replies (3) Good night (1839) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past. (616): I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures? http://tfl.nu/o51k
  Replies (4) Good night (2779) Bad night (1233)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam. http://tfl.nu/fk8j
  Replies (4) Good night (3400) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far. http://tfl.nu/eadn
  Replies (13) Good night (3367) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America, http://tfl.nu/18wd
  Replies (10) Good night (3861) Bad night (1059)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals. http://tfl.nu/kw2o
  Replies (13) Good night (5126) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying. http://tfl.nu/h4eg
  Replies (7) Good night (5667) Bad night (1200)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night http://tfl.nu/l78r
  Replies (4) Good night (2646) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again http://tfl.nu/p1ce
  Replies (14) Good night (6842) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases http://tfl.nu/lpic
  Replies (14) Good night (4984) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this. http://tfl.nu/muxl
  Replies (7) Good night (3428) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height http://tfl.nu/mxot
  Replies (9) Good night (4591) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv. http://tfl.nu/kqij
  Replies (7) Good night (2837) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Jesus...So southern.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat. (401): Jesus...So southern. http://tfl.nu/htgy
  Replies (11) Good night (1297) Bad night (2622)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now. http://tfl.nu/wa2b
  Replies (32) Good night (9042) Bad night (1358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment. http://tfl.nu/tvxk
  Replies (1) Good night (1062) Bad night (2286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house http://tfl.nu/3ff4
  Replies (40) Good night (7720) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world. http://tfl.nu/rh6u
  Replies (12) Good night (2642) Bad night (1412)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS. http://tfl.nu/x0o9
  Replies (11) Good night (2973) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon. http://tfl.nu/pf2r
  Replies (21) Good night (7019) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around.. http://tfl.nu/cqm4
  Replies (4) Good night (2436) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due. http://tfl.nu/nv78
  Replies (26) Good night (6861) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it. http://tfl.nu/1dic
  Replies (9) Good night (3038) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
  Replies (36) Good night (8991) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/jhba
  Replies (16) Good night (4808) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt