So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
