Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
