FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.