Texts From Last Night

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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN

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  (910): FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN http://tfl.nu/beux
  Replies (10) Good night (721) Bad night (1444) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.

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  (918): I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud. http://tfl.nu/vndr
  Replies (11) Good night (1291) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.

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  (248): Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/ylim
  Replies (3) Good night (1160) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...

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  (307): My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls... http://tfl.nu/pef0
  Replies (3) Good night (810) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.

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  (407): There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese. http://tfl.nu/1bs2
  Replies (6) Good night (857) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth

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  (512): We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth http://tfl.nu/5znv
  Replies (5) Good night (517) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.

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  (647): bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope. http://tfl.nu/udjt
  Replies (3) Good night (981) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw

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  (+61): Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw http://tfl.nu/i9kl
  Replies (10) Good night (1298) Bad night (584)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.

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  (405): Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast. http://tfl.nu/xva7
  Replies (5) Good night (2269) Bad night (401)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo

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  (941): The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo http://tfl.nu/icnx
  Replies (6) Good night (1217) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs

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  (217): his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs http://tfl.nu/kqhn
  Replies (7) Good night (1488) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.

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  (714): Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends. http://tfl.nu/ft9d
  Replies (17) Good night (4263) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt

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  (210): It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt http://tfl.nu/ws0p
  Replies (8) Good night (1017) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night

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  (919): So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night http://tfl.nu/rd80
  Replies (6) Good night (672) Bad night (1565) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.

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  (402): I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us. http://tfl.nu/si4e
  Replies (3) Good night (1124) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem

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  (949): I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem http://tfl.nu/xr6o
  Replies (3) Good night (949) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize

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  (714): And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize http://tfl.nu/o5b5
  Replies (4) Good night (1767) Bad night (449)
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  (646): View more from New York

  According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.

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  (646): According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth. http://tfl.nu/o8r4
  Replies (9) Good night (469) Bad night (1250) Order T-Shirt
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude

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  (318): You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude http://tfl.nu/d0gl
  Replies (10) Good night (1645) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is

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  (724): Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is http://tfl.nu/t84q
  Replies (4) Good night (815) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.

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  (304): He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex. http://tfl.nu/68r0
  Replies (17) Good night (2433) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.

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  (615): Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success. http://tfl.nu/5s34
  Replies (4) Good night (1394) Bad night (405)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.

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  (405): In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday. http://tfl.nu/wcjj
  Replies (6) Good night (436) Bad night (1317) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.

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  (+44): Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room. http://tfl.nu/d3jd
  Replies (5) Good night (1293) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  .....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....

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  (315): The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar..... (507): .....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls.... http://tfl.nu/yj71
  Replies (5) Good night (759) Bad night (455)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.

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  (412): He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far. http://tfl.nu/xxyj
  Replies (11) Good night (2333) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
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  (915): View more from Texas

  With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.

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  (915): With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else. http://tfl.nu/6thd
  Replies (7) Good night (1260) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  Maybe I'm a robot.

  (831): View more from California

  You can't be that drunk already

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  (530): Maybe I'm a robot. (831): You can't be that drunk already http://tfl.nu/ekm7
  Replies (8) Good night (1995) Bad night (481)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.

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  (281): I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever. http://tfl.nu/j15t
  Replies (5) Good night (1872) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.

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  (865): He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends. http://tfl.nu/ncfq
  Replies (7) Good night (2574) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler

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  (509): We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler http://tfl.nu/7vbk
  Replies (12) Good night (1312) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?

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  (805): Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin? http://tfl.nu/mg03
  Replies (7) Good night (505) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.

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  (563): he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on. http://tfl.nu/j2lo
  Replies (9) Good night (703) Bad night (1780)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.

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  (508): True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college. http://tfl.nu/95qw
  Replies (50) Good night (713) Bad night (3063) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  we should probably just go check in at the police station right now

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  (814): we should probably just go check in at the police station right now http://tfl.nu/dhxr
  Replies (8) Good night (1393) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.

  (648): View more from

  100%

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  (616): I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners. (648): 100% http://tfl.nu/zuxh
  Replies (9) Good night (489) Bad night (2270)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility

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  (423): Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility http://tfl.nu/hzzw
  Replies (8) Good night (1573) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.

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  (228): It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression. http://tfl.nu/876s
  Replies (11) Good night (680) Bad night (1887) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.

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  (714): I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time. http://tfl.nu/xqih
  Replies (6) Good night (522) Bad night (1366) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.

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  (413): I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened. http://tfl.nu/qzdq
  Replies (10) Good night (2490) Bad night (893)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.

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  (904): Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions. http://tfl.nu/qtln
  Replies (4) Good night (485) Bad night (1849) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.

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  (313): Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie. http://tfl.nu/1dd0
  Replies (7) Good night (2657) Bad night (506)