I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
