According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
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