i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole