So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
